


Dealing With a Heart That I Didn’t Break

by arctichorizons



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Casual Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Logan learns to love, Mentions of Past Sexual Trauma, Nonbinary Character, fwb to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arctichorizons/pseuds/arctichorizons
Summary: Maeve Brownsea lives at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters along with the other X-Men. One of them, Logan, she has a bit of backstory with and now they’ve ended up in some kind of occasional relationship. But as they comfort each other, as people like them need to, the tension also grows minute by minute. Can the Lynx, swift and clever, convince the Wolverine, heavy and scarred, to confront his fear of loving?
Relationships: Logan (X-Men)/Original Female Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	1. If You Let Me, Here's What I'll Do

**Author's Note:**

> TW// SLIGHT MENTIONS OF PAST SEXUAL ASSAULT
> 
> Maeve returns home at night after she went on a solo impulsive mission. Logan surprises her as she is fatally wounded, trying to heal herself, and decides to help her.

_ I know you've been hurt by someone else _

_ I can tell by the way you carry yourself _

_If you let me, here's what I'll do  
I’ll take care of you_

_I've loved and I've lost_

—————

  
It wasn’t even that late when she came home to the school. Not even past midnight. Stumbling through the halls to get down to the hospital quarters, images of wild fire was rushing back and forth through her head, never leaving her alone. And by now, new ones had joined the collection of trauma that her brain was storing only to torture her with during all hours of both day and night. At this pace, it seemed like it would never get better.

Gasping for air, she finally reached the operation table and took a dreaded look down herself... and immediately let out another gasp as her white suit wasn’t so white anymore. Only barely able to, she brought herself across the room towards another table, the one that stored multiple syringes filled with all kinds of mystic substances and she hastily picked one of the yellow ones up, the one that looked like flowing gold mixed with crystal clear honey. How poetic, but that was always how Hank described them. At least it was a habit of his that helped all of them remember which was which.

She double-checked anyways. Yes, this was it. She tried as best as she could to take a deep breath and steady her body, as she bared the veins in the crook of her elbow. Another deep breath before she got ready for injection, but she still couldn’t succeed to stop her hands from shaking furiously with pain and adrenaline.

She let out a groan in frustration.

“You know you should be careful with those,” a voice sounded from behind. Deep and raspy. Like the owner had just woken up. But she knew this particular voice, and that that voice almost never slept. And always sounded like that anyways.

She turned around and tried to keep a sigh of relief from falling off her lips.

“Logan.”

He crossed the room, walking towards her.

“I won’t ask what’s going on,” he said.

“Thank you...”

“At least not yet,” he cut her off.

She just looked at him. Pleading.

He then came up to her, nimbly grabbed the syringe from her weak grasp, lifted her up and laid her down on the operation table with ease.

“Try to lay still.”

She looked at him, nodded, and then fixed her eyes on the ceiling. Always looked away. Then with a steady hand, he slid the needle into her vein and injected the golden substance.

She immediately felt it rushing through her, piecing her cells together at an alarming pace. It was after all filled with Logan’s blood.

In just a matter of seconds, all her fresh burn wounds were healed, not as much as a scar left. When she opened her eyes again and peered at him, he was looking down at her, smiling peacefully. He gently started rubbing his thumb on her shoulder when she caught his eyes.

“Look at you. All good again.”

“Yes,” she said quietly, “thanks to you.”

“Thanks to my blood,” he corrected her.

He then offered her his hand and helped her onto her still slightly shaking legs. She let out a huffing laugh.

“My body’s still not really agreeing to this whole regeneration-healing-thing.”

He smiled. “It’ll pass.”

“Easy for you to say.”

She looked up at him. “Thank you for not asking,” she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug that lasted longer than she would let any other hug last, except if it was from Logan.

“You’re welcome,” he said as he pulled away just enough to see her face. “I know you can’t help yourself.”

She looked down, smiling. “Yeah, you do. I’m sorry.” She met his eyes again.

“No, you’re not,” he grinned.

“No, I’m not,” she laughed.

He took her into another hug and she let herself rest against his bare chest.

_Home_ ,  a voice whispered in her head. She chose to ignore it.

“Hey, it’s late. We should get to bed,” Logan said. She smiled, but pushed at him when he snaked an arm under hers to help her walk.

“I think I’ve got it from here.” She looked at him. “I’ve got your blood in my veins, you know,” she smirked.

“Yeah, I think you’ve got it from here,” he ironically agreed.

“Oh, shut up!” she mocked and started walking. “You see? Perfectly fine! Also without your help.”

He did that eyebrow thing he always does and caught up to her.

“Maybe you don’t need my help, but I’ll tell you one thing you do need.”

“Sleep?” she guessed.

“That too. You need a change of clothes,” he said and nodded towards he red-spotted suit.

“Yeah,” she said, “white is way less practical than it is fashionable.”

He didn’t bother to answer. They just quickly made their way through the halls of the basement, eager to escape the industrial whiteness of those rooms.

“If you were for once actually wearing a shirt, we could’ve sorted that out right here and now,” she pointed out as they stopped in front of the elevator. He reached out and pushed the upwards button.

They both then looked down at his so-called “outfit”. No shirt, grey sweatpants and black socks.

_ Ding. _

“Whatever,” he smiled as they walked into the elevator and both turned around to face the closing doors. She couldn’t help but peer up at him, his beautiful face stuck in that serious expression. Suddenly, she felt his hand fumbling with hers, gently rubbing and intertwining their fingers. Then he looked down to meet her eyes and she turned to face him as she let a hand travel up his chest to settle on the side of his neck.

The elevator began to travel upwards.

Then he slowly bowed down and let his lips brush against hers as his hand cupped her cheek. And in the next moment his lips crashed onto hers, he was pressing her against the wall with his whole body while hastily exploring hers.

_ Ding. _

He paused at the sound of the elevator announcing their arrival to the teacher’s quarters.

“Logan,” she whispered shakily, “you know I can’t do this right now.”

“Yes. I do. I’m sorry,” he said.

She pulled away to meet his eyes. “Thank you,” she said, and hoped that it sounded as sincere as she wanted it to.

Then he took her in his arms and they just stood there in that innocent intimacy that felt so filling, so satisfying, so  _ enough  _ for them.

She didn’t even think about going to her own room. They just walked hand in hand to Logan’s and before they crawled into bed, she grabbed one of the few t-shirts Logan owned. Inhaling the comforting smell, she laid down next to him and he immediately wrapped his strong arms around her.

_ Comfort. _

It was immeasurable how much she wanted to tell him that. That he always brought her back to reality, he always protected her even without doing anything at all. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her; she wanted it so badly. It was not about admitting it to herself - she had already given up that fight - it was the fear. She couldn’t bear to loose him, that would be too much. She  _ needed  _ him, needed his presence and the warm feeling of  _him_.

And for now, for right this moment, it was enough. Just having him there was enough.

Falling into a deep and utterly peaceful sleep listening to Logan’s even breaths, was enough.

For now.


	2. When You’re Ready, Just Say You’re Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeve tells Logan about where she was the previous night, and in connection to that, she has a flashback to way back when she was just a child who, confused and scared, tried to navigate the world.  
> Later that day, tensions between her and Logan arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this second chapter, there is way more backstory and not so much action, but I like it a lot anyways and I hope the few of you who follow this fic like it too!
> 
> Enjoy,  
> Marie <3

_ I'll be there for you, I will care for you _

_ I keep thinking you just don't know _

_ Trying to run from that, say you done with that _

_ On your face, it just don't show _

_ When you're ready, just say you're ready _

_ When all the baggage just ain't as heavy _

_ And the party's over, just don't forget me _

_ We'll change the pace and we'll just go slow _

_—————_   
  


Waking up to Logan’s face must’ve been one of the most calming things in the world, Maeve had to admit to herself. Logan had been awake for some time, just laying there, taking in the peaceful, relaxed face on her as she slept in. When she opened her eyes, he smiled at her. A gentle but beautiful smile.

“Hi,” she said.

“‘Morning,” he rumbled with a much raspier voice than usual, but Maeve took it as a good sign. It meant that he had actually gotten a few good hours of sleep, for once. And besides, he did sound pretty flattering like this - that was another thing to admit.

“How did you sleep?” he asked, which for mostly everyone else would just act as a polite, rethorical question but they both knew that, in their case, it was serious and sincere. A genuine worry about the other, because it wasn’t often they slept nightmare-less.

“I slept like a bear in hibernation,” she smiled. “And you?”

He closed his eyes, rolled to his back and sank deeper into the pillow. “Pretty, fuckin’ good, I must admit.”

“Logan...”

He turned his head and looked at her again. “What?”

“Language.”

“Yes. Sorry.”

“Hm,” she huffed sarcastically, but with a smile.

“But I’m glad you slept well,” she said.

“Mmh, me too,” he mumbled. “I mean, I am too glad that you slept well...” he said and huffed. “But I also do appreciate the quality of my own night’s sleep...”

“Logan,” she interrupted smilingly, and his attention was discreetly but immediately on her as she spoke his name for the second time in a short minute. “Now you’re just talking.”

“Yeah.” The corner of his mouth dragged into an almost invisible, but smug smirk.

“Which is pretty unusual for you.”

He looked like he was searching his brain for something witty to say, but didn’t really succeed.

“Yeah,” he ended up with again.

She smiled at him. Always at edge with himself, battling his own thoughts just for the way others perceived him. And he didn’t even realise it himself. That habit of his, was something that made him more appealing to her; it made him vulnerable.

Touchable.

Everyone else always saw him as this unbreakable, reserved,  _ withdrawn _ guy who didn’t talk very much, but when he did, his words were most likely something very intriguing. Quick and clever. But to her, in this bed, in this relationship they had to each other, though undefined, he was vulnerable. He let her - maybe not consciously - into his mind, his thoughts and his life beside that facade of The Indestructible Wolverine. And she appreciated that every second she had with him.

“Hey,” he broke her train of thought. “Do you wanna tell me about yesterday? Or is that just...”

“Well, yeah...” she looked down. “Sorry about that-“

“It’s okay,” he said under his breath. She smiled and continued.

“I was in the Amazon. Some...  company  had the audacity to keep going on with their goddamn deforestation and this time, they were cutting down the leaf frog’s last territory, and I could just feel it in me... The pain of another animal seconds from extinction goes straight to my heart.”

He just laid there and listened to her voice grow more and more painful, and when a single, lonely tear fell from her eye, he reached out and gently brushed it away with his thumb. She smiled.

“So obviously, I had to go there... and I managed to stop the machines and rescue some of the frogs before the remains of those monsters exploded.” She took in a shaky breath before continuing. “The last thing I remember before you gave me the dose yesterday was cradling those frogs in my arms, back turned to the explosion. I have no recollection of how I got home, but I must’ve spread the frogs and ensured their survival and then teleported home...”

Another tear ran down her face.

“Hey,” Logan whispered, “It’s okay, come here.”

She pushed herself into his comforting embrace and he held her until she had suppressed the pain.

That was one of the downsides of being so close to nature, of literally being able to have full-on conversations with every single animal on this earth.

  
—-

She had always been particularly fond of nature, and on the day she turned five, she had been running through the forest, while her family had been on a picnic to celebrate, and suddenly a lynx stood before her. Tall, swift and slender. And she could  _ hear  _ it’s thoughts.

Scared by unfamiliarity, she ran back to her parents and told them about the extraordinary thing that had just happened. They immediately told her she was crazy and convinced her to forget about it. But the next day, the young girl came back to the woods and tried to harness this extra sense inside her - to reach out for the lynx. And she, the lynx, appeared again, and this time Maeve held her ground, ignoring her fright. And they became friends; friends across species. Maeve named her Naevis.

A decade went by and Maeve and Naevis only became closer. She spent almost every day after school in the forest, playing around with her unusual friend.

But one day, when Maeve had turned 16 years old, she entered the forest to find comfort in Naevis’ soft fur after a harsh day, only to find her best friend lying lifeless in the meadow, shot by a hunter from her own town.

That day, Maeve couldn’t cry. The shock blunted everything, and she didn’t know how to deal with the early stages of grief, so, in restlessness, she went to the local bar and wallowed in sorrow as she wasted her money on drinks way too strong for a slim girl drinking for the first time.

When she finally realised it was maybe time to leave, a group of men that, although the intoxication, looked a whole lot like hunters to Maeve, followed her out the back door. Apparently she had a big mouth and an even bigger temper when she had had a few drinks, so she started attacking them, senselessly trying to get revenge for Naevis. But this time, the time she needed it the most, she didn’t have her friend by her side, and the men easily knocked her to the ground and pinned her there while the biggest one of them started unbuttoning his pants as she screamed and bit them the best she could. She had been so busy struggling that she didn’t even realise it when her rescuer joined the fight.

A few sounds of slashes and grunts filled the alley and the fighting was over. Maeve quickly got up on shaky legs which only got shakier as she took in the scene before her. Deep cuts pumping with blood now  _ decorated  _ her attackers and a man stood before her, metal claws forcing their way through the skin between his fingers. Bloody. So much blood.

She turned around and violently threw up for a good minute. When there was nothing left, he had fled. With a now clearer head, she proceeded to do the same.

Since then she had begun to explore her powers and when she had gotten into some trouble with the government that only seemed to get more serious the more she tried to twist her way out of it, and she had ended up at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. Not as a student, but as a runaway, and she almost immediately recognised Logan who needed a bit more time than her to realise who she was. But he did eventually, and they ended up going on many missions together before they one day ended up lips to lips after the heat of a particularly nasty battle was still rushing through them.

The Lynx and the Wolverine.

  
—-

When they finally got up, it was more than twenty minutes past ten in the morning. Maeve was thankful for Saturdays.

Not much happened that day, and when they had gotten all the students settled in their wing and the teachers in theirs, Maeve couldn’t help but sneak through the halls and slip into Logan’s room. She wasn’t afraid of waking him, she knew he wouldn’t be sleeping at this hour. Another habit of his.

She knew that as soon she stepped foot outside her own room, he was aware of her presence. His enhanced olfactory sense ensured that. She alerted him anyways as soon as she entered.

“Hey,” she whispered.

He didn’t answer. He was laying with his back to her; she couldn’t see his face. She briefly tried to reach out with her mind to get an idea of what mood he was in, but he has shielded himself and she wasn’t powerful enough to go past. Instead she laid down on the other side of the bed and wrapped an arm around him from behind. Only the did she get a reaction from him.

“Maeve,” he harshly blurted out and threw her hand off of him and he got up and stood before the window.

She sat up, a little startled.

“You can’t keep coming in here- I mean, you- we can’t...”

She sighed out.  _ Oh, Logan. Not this again. _

“Yes. Yes, I can. Yes,  _ we  _ can,” she said softly but surely. “Just, stop that, please,” she continued in a little bit more vulnerable voice and proceeded to get up from the bed and take a few steps towards him but for every step she took, he took one the other way. She gave up.

“Maeve-“ His voice was shaky and he cleared his throat. “Maeve,” he said again, sure of mind.

“Logan,” she breathed out in response and in two long strides she had closed the distance and pressed her lips to his.

_ Logan,  _ she said in his head while he kissed back, in battle with himself.  _ I know you don’t want to tell me that we should stop. So don’t. _

_But, Maeve..._ he responded as his hand hesitatingly settled around her waist.

_ But what, Logan?  _ she asked as she drew away.

“You know what,” he said and looked down into her eyes.

“Yes, I know what. Please, just try, okay? Right now, we’ve got each other. Who cares about tomorrow?”

He sighed out and clenched his jaw with a painful expression.

“We don’t even know what could possibly happen tomorrow, the world could cease to exist. But tonight... I have you. And you have me.” She lowered her voice to a nervous, shaky whisper. “Don’t you ever doubt that.”

For now, that was her way of telling him she loved him. Because she did. And she was as sure as sure can be that he loved her too. And she also knew perfectly well why he was so afraid of that. What he didn’t realise, was that she understood him perfectly. She felt exactly the same. She just had an easier way of suppressing it and giving in to what she had. What  _they_ had.

Then he gave in to  _ her  _ and their lips crashed again, and they landed on the bed, him on top of her, as the kiss went on until he laid down beside her and fell asleep as she fondled his hair. She smiled into it and kissed him again.  _Her_ Logan. Even if she would have to work for it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!
> 
> So that was the second chapter; I feel like Maeve’s backstory is a little cringe - I just hope it’s not too much.
> 
> I also just want to mention, that this probably won’t turn out as... sexually graphic as some of my other fics, because (prepare for sappy excuse) I always kinda write what I feel like - what I need in the moment. And because I’ve had a few bad experiences, I feel a lot like writing a story about a character I really like, who helps another character, similar to myself, recover from sexual trauma.
> 
> Well, let’s see where the story takes me. Sometimes that is not something the writer is in control of.
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always!
> 
> Yours,  
> Marie <3

**Author's Note:**

> hey ho!
> 
> I really like this character and this idea, so even though the beginning doesn’t seem too exciting, I promise stuff is going to happen. Stick around!  
> It’s my first time writing seriously with an OC, so please, if you want to, tell me in the comments how I did! I love to hear from you <3
> 
> ‘Till next time.


End file.
